Friday, November 11, 2011

DRINK BEER (wear sunscreen parody) lyrics!

LOL. Remember "Wear Sunscreen"? Here's its great parody, "Drink Beer". Grin.

Ladies and gentlemen of the class of 99, Drink beer

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, Beer would be it.

The long term benefits of beer have been proven by scientists whereas the rest advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience.

I will dispense this information now

You are as fat as you imagine. You really do look like your drivers license picture. Do something about it. No one wants to date a fat pig. If inserting a 7 inch iced tea spoon down your throat to induce vomiting is what it takes, well then so be it

Do one thing everyday that makes your mother ashamed.

Don't floss. Wayward pieces of parsley and beef in your teeth really don't look that bad.

You've already had your turn of living in New York. So leave now. You're wasting space and breathing up all of our oxygen.

Go live in Northern California. But leave before you simultaneously die in an earthquake and a gang related shooting.

Sometimes you'll be ahead
Sometimes you'll be behind
Sometimes you'll be on top
Sometimes you'll be on bottom

Smoke cigarettes with reckless abandon
When you're speaking through a hole in your throat, you can always sue the tobacco company and say "I did not know it was bad for me". After all Ill gotten gain is what it's all about

Maybe you'll get married
Maybe you won't
But most likely you'll end up divorced with a litter of children with 8 different mothers, spending the rest of your life selling rip off Gucci bags outside court authority to pay off alimony and child support.

Don't even try to dance
You're a guy for god's sake
Not even the electric slide at a wedding

Read GQ magazine and strive to look like the guy on the cover
Undergo elective reconstructive plastic surgery including liposuction and penis enlargement

Make fun of old people
It's fun

And understand that friends will stab you in the back for price of an extra value meal

And the flame broiled isn't always better

Never mind

But trust me on the beer.

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